I'm in Las Vegas for the weekend. . . gambling away the kiddies college tuition and our entire life savings and yelling "Mama needs a new pair of shoes" every time I throw the dice at the craps table.
I took a walk along Las Vegas Boulevard this afternoon and is it ever hot here.
To keep cool I sucked down about 5 of those yard-long slushy drinks. Moonshine is my new favorite flavor. You can attach them with a strap around your neck and walk around looking incredibly cool as you suck them down with your yard-long straw. I'm going to collect them in every color and hang them from my neck like Mardi Gras beads. It's a wonder I can even type after drinking that many.
After all those drinks I needed to burn some calories, so I headed over to the "Pussycat Lounge" and did some cage dancing. I taught those "Pussycat Dolls" a thing or two, disco style, and got my workout in all at the same time. It was tough going for a while, my fanny pack kept smacking against the bars.
I need to slow down or I'm going to burn out too fast. Speaking of burning . . . the soles on my 1992 Reebok Freestyle high tops caught fire when I moonwalked my way back to my hotel room. It was an 8 mile walk. I'm cooling my heels in the hotel room ice bucket while I write this.
Well, I have to go. My shoes have stopped smoking and I've got some shopping to do. I need a couple souvenirs, and there's a few rhinestone studded shirts, visors, and shoes I had my eye on today. I need something really snazzy to wear for tomorrow night when I go see Wayne Newton. It's a good thing I brought my BeDazzler with me, just in case I don't find anything I like.
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.