Hats...

What's that on my head?

A hat.

Hats are not my friend.

I have never looked good wearing any kind of hat.

I avoid hats at all costs.

Birthday Party hats, New Year's hats, Cowboy hats, Baseball hats/caps, Straw hats, Coolie hats (especially those) and any other hat you can think of on this planet all look awful on me.

I think the term, hat head should be used for people who look good in hats. "Oh, he has hat head," would mean someone who looks great in a hat.

I would love to be able to throw on a baseball cap and run my Saturday errands looking incredibly cute with my sporty hat and casual attire, but that is not going to happen for me in this lifetime. My neighbor looks great in a baseball cap and no make-up. She hasn't a care in the world and can be ready in an instant. For me to be ready in an instant takes at least an hours notice. I'll never be that girl/woman and it pains me so.

I'm the kid who wore the cone shaped, elastic pinching, party hat on my forehead like a unicorn horn so I could make the other kids laugh and not notice that hats weren't flattering on me. I also took to grabbing any extra hats left on the table and wore them on either side of my head like horns or in multiple spikes all over my head, like an alien. That party trick was a real hit with the younger kids...not so much with the party girl/boy's mother though.

On New Year's Eve I took to appointing myself the hat monitor so I could wear the hat that looked more like a headband with frills and feathers and Happy New Year spelled out in gold foil and not the giant Pope hat that elongated my face even more.

Oh...the pain of not being a hat head. It haunts me daily.

But then I met the husband and discovered that he also suffers from the same affliction. He looks bad in hats. We are kindred spirits...we were meant to be together. We walk as one...we share our childhood stories of hat horrors and feel connected.

I love hats....on other people.

Hats...