I swear, it's true . . .

It's almost the anniversary of my dad's passing, so in his honor I'd like to share a few of his favorite sayings.


Most of his comments contained swear words. Descriptive adjectives had no place in his vocabulary. He preferred the colorful variety. Very colorful. The cover their ears so the kids don't hear variety. We don't know where this came from. His parents were very civilized people who never swore. Whenever my sister and I need a good laugh we channel our dad and call up one of his sayings.


For instance...


If my mom asked my dad to do too many things at once he would comment, "Jesus - Rose! (my mother's proper name) Why don't you tie a broom to my ass and I'll sweep as I go."

If we were trying to tell him a little white lie or make something up he would say, "Jesus - Baby! ( my proper name) Are you trying to blow smoke up my ass?"

If he didn't think someone was on the up and up he would say, "He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

The word ass seemed to be his form of a helping verb, a noun, and an adjective all rolled into one and oddly enough it worked for him.

Ironically - as his kids - we were not allowed to swear in any form. If we so much as said the word, "fart" which I still can't really say to this day without cringing -we would be given a taste of Tabasco, or the much dreaded bar of Dial soap to wash the bad words right out of our mouths. Over the years I grew to love the taste of Tabasco. Not so much the Dial soap.

When my dad died he was cremated and placed in a local cemetery. His final resting place happens to be in a very appropriate location. His marker and burial space is in a large oblong cement planter with red roses and a very pretty angel statue residing in the center of the garden. My dad's spot happens to be centrally located right under the rear-end of the angel. Whenever we visit we always say that he's probably looking down on us and saying, "You guys think you're really funny placing me at the ass-end of the angel, don't you!"

As a matter of fact, we do. And we know he would think it was funny too.

Here's to you Dad!