Picasso, Da Vinci and Me . . .

I drew this masterpiece when I was in second grade .

It's the nativity scene.

Creative license led me to add a few things.

The star of Bethlehem/David in a multi-colored hue.

The handy pink thumbtack is next to it in case anything comes loose in the sky and threatens to fall on baby Jesus.

I don't see horns, so I'm guessing that the red thing with the halo is an angel.

There's a yellow ox-dog levitating outside the manger with two legs and a bunny tail.

Nothing like it has ever been seen again. A miraculous event in itself, next to the birth of Jesus, of course.

Those hatch marks reveal a secret code that will unlock all of the answers to the universe. If only I could remember where I put the answer key, or maybe it was just raining really hard that day in Bethlehem.

I only had it in me to draw one Wise Man, whose offering to the happy family looks suspiciously like a penis.

Or maybe it's a baby bottle. You never know . . . they weren't called Wise Men for nothing.

The flying camel and two remaining Wise Men are stickers.

We would learn to draw them when we got to third grade.

This picture was the cover to a Mass card I made for my parents. I offered 10 Masses, 5 Rosaries, 3 Hail Mary's and 11 Our Father's.

I better go make good on my promises.

I'm thinking of hiring someone to help me.

I'll do that after I say this prayer, "Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee . . . " For some reason I never get past the Act of Contrition. It's the story of my life.